


Simon Said (SEASON TWO, EPISODE FIVE)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [28]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Azazel's Special Children, Canon, Episode: s02e05 Simon Said, Jo Harvelle & Dean Winchester Friendship, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6976870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam n' Dean hook up Andy Gallagher, a slacker wit psycho powerz of persuasion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Once tha brothers learn dat Andy’s crew was hit up by tha Demon, Sam wondaz if his schmoooove ass could be one of tha special lil' thugs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

Fade tha fuck into blasted of a cold-ass lil clock tower, readin 12:21. Pan down ta a smiling, late-middle aged playa (DR. JENNINGS), struttin down tha sidewalk yo. His cell beeper rings; he picks it up.

 **DR JENNINGS  
** Hello. Yeah.

White-flash image of a glock barrel raising.

 **DR JENNINGS  
** All right.

Cut ta another image of DR JENNINGS cockin a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Back ta DR JENNINGS' face; he lowers tha beeper slowly fo' realz. A hood bus wit a triangular Blue Ridge logo on tha front passes yo. Dude smiles, turns, n' continues struttin fo' realz. Across tha street he entas a game shiznit shop n' approaches a playa leanin against a cold-ass lil counta readin GUNS magazine.

 **DR JENNINGS  
** Afternoon, Dennis.

 **DENNIS  
** Yo, Doc.

 **DR JENNINGS  
** I'd like ta peep a gun.

 **DENNIS**  
(laughing)  
Yeah, right, doc. 

DR JENNINGS just looks at him

 **DENNIS  
** Seriously?

Dude crosses behind tha counta up in front of a gangbangin' finger-lickin' display of guns. DR JENNINGS looks around, then points.

 **DR JENNINGS  
** That one.

DENNIS unlocks tha display n' pulls up tha indicated gun.

 **DENNIS  
** Okay. Thatz a turkey hunter, twelve gauge, pump action. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Don't leave enough turkey behind, if you ask mah dirty ass.

 **DR JENNINGS  
** What sort of shells do it use?

 **DENNIS**  
(pullin a funky-ass box from under tha counter)  
Right here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I be takin tha thugs up ta tha cabin dis weekend if you uh... I mean if you be thinkin you might like ta take up tha sport.

 **DR JENNINGS**  
(takin a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shell n' startin ta fit it tha fuck into tha gun)  
Thanks yo, but no. Yo ass know glocks make me nervous, always have. This one goes up in here, right?

 **DENNIS  
** Whoa, Doc! Fuck dat shit, you can't load a weapon on tha premises, itz illegal! 

 **DR JENNINGS  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy, Dennis.

 **DENNIS  
** Fuck dat shit, no. 

 **DR JENNINGS  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy, Dennis. It aint nuthin but all gonna be aiiight.

Dude turns tha glock on Dennis n' fires.

 **DENNIS  
** Doc!

DENNIS is hurled against tha wall as tha blast hits his muthafuckin ass. Da other hustlas start ta panic.

 **DR JENNINGS  
** Fuck dat shit, no, it's, itz all gravy. It aint nuthin but all gravy. It aint nuthin but all gonna be aiiight.

Dude presses tha shotgun against his chin; pan up ta a sample sink hangin on tha wall above his head; tha shotgun goes off again n' again n' again n' tha sink is splattered wit blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Cut ta ...  


  
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

SAM gasps yo. Dude is leanin over tha sink up in a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dingy bathroom, tha wata hustlin. White flashes from tha previous scene cut across his vision.

 **SAM  
** No...

Dude runs a hand under tha wata n' washes his wild lil' face, scrubbin tha hand all up in his afro fo' realz. As da perved-out muthafucka shuts tha wata off n' looks up tha fuck into tha mirror, tha door bursts open ta reveal DEAN.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, come on, zip it up. Letz hit the... (he pauses, absorbin Samz Condition) ... road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! What?

Close on SAM, breathang heavily n' blinking.

 


	2. ACT ONE

EXT yo. HIGHWAY - NIGHT

DEAN is rollin tha IMPALA, SAM up in tha passengerz seat, down a thugged-out dark two-lane road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da radio is playing.

 **RADIO ANNOUNCER  
** Rockin' Nebraska. Yo crazy-ass source fo' tha classics, all night long. 

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck, dude, why don't our laid-back asses just chill out, be thinkin bout all dis bullshit.

 **SAM**  
(shuttin off tha radio)  
Whatz there ta be thinkin about?

 **DEAN  
** I just don't give a fuck if goin ta tha Roadhouse is tha smartest idea.

 **SAM  
** Dean, itz another premonition. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I know dat shit. This is gonna happen, n' Ash can tell our asses where, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, dude yo, but...

 **SAM  
** Plus it could have some connection wit tha demon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. My fuckin visions always do.

 **DEAN  
** Thatz mah point. Therez gonna be huntas there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I don't give a fuck if, if, if goin up in n' announcin dat you some supernatural freak wit a, a thugged-out demonic connection is tha dopest thang, aiiight?

 **SAM  
** So I be a gangbangin' freak now?

 **DEAN**  
(slappin SAM on tha thigh)  
You've always been a gangbangin' freak. (Dean smilez weakly n' turns back ta tha road.)   


  
INT. ROADHOUSE - NIGHT

JO is playin a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass blasta arcade game as a olda playa (ED) watches. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch hits every last muthafuckin target, n' he groans.

 **ED  
** Damn, lil lady, dat was mah room scrilla.

 **JO**  
(takin tha scrilla he pulls out)  
Well, I guess you takin a truck nap tonight.

As dat biiiiatch strutts away, pleased wit her muthafuckin ass, ELLEN strutts over.

 **ELLEN  
** Oughta check tha high scores before you put yo' scrilla down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

She presses a funky-ass button on tha game n' a list of high scores - all readin "Player: Jo" scrolls across tha screen.

 **ELLEN  
** Yo ass went n' gots yo ass hustled, Ed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

DEAN n' SAM enter, passin two pimps at a table cleanin weapons. DEAN almost runs tha fuck into JO, whoz ass stops, smiling. 

 **JO  
** Just can't stay away, huh?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, looks like yo. How tha fuck you doin', Jo?

 **SAM**  
(hurried)  
Wherez Ash?

 **JO  
** In his back room.

 **SAM**  
(brushin past her)  
Great.

 **JO  
** And I be fine...

 **DEAN**  
Sorry, he's, we're... kind of on a lil' bit of a timetable.   


  
INT. BACK ROOM - NIGHT

SAM approaches a rough wooden door wit a sign hangin on it dat reads:

DR BADASS IS: IN

 **SAM**  
(knockin on tha door)  
Ash, biatch? Yo, Ash?

 **DEAN**  
(also knocking)  
Yo, Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Badass?

Da door is unlatched n' opened a cold-ass lil crack ta reveal ASH, whoz ass is naked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN averts his wild lil' fuckin eyes. 

 **ASH  
** Sam, biatch? Dean, biatch? Sam n' Dean.

 **SAM  
** Yo Ash. Um. We need yo' help.

 **ASH  
** Well, hell then. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Guess I need mah pants, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. 

Dude shuts tha door; SAM n' DEAN go back to:  


  
INT. ROADHOUSE - NIGHT

ASH is chillin at a table wit his fuckin laptop open, lookin all up in tha hand-drawn sketch of tha bus logo from SAM'S vision. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM sits across from him; DEAN standz behind.

 **ASH  
** Well, I gots a match. It aint nuthin but tha logo from tha Blue Ridge bus lines up in Guthrie, Oklahoma. 

 **SAM  
** Okay. Do me a gangbangin' favor - check Guthrie fo' any demonic signs, or omens, or anythang like all dis bullshit.

 **ASH  
** Yo ass be thinkin tha demonz there?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, maybe.

 **ASH  
** Why would you be thinkin that?

 **DEAN  
** Just check it, all right?

ASH gives his ass a Look; DEAN n' SAM frown at each other.

 **ASH  
** Fuck dat shit, sir, nothing. No demon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **SAM  
** All right, try suttin' else fo' mah dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Search Guthrie fo' a doggy den fire. Well shiiiit, it would be 1983, firez origin would be a funky-ass babyz nursery, night of tha kidz six month birthday.

ASH looks at him, startled, n' DEAN looks round ta check fo' eavesdroppers. JO, cleanin a table nearby, is watchin dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **ASH  
** Okay, now dat is just weird, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Why tha hell would I be lookin fo' all dis bullshit.

SAM pulls up a funky-ass brew forty n' sets it next ta tha laptop.

 **SAM  
** 'Cause there be a a PBR up in it fo' ya.

 **ASH**  
Give me fifteen minutes.  


  
LATER

JO presses all dem buttons on tha jukebox n' tha openin chordz ta REO Speedwagon "Can't Fight This Feeling" play. Dean, chillin all up in tha bar, looks horrified. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! JO carries a tray ta tha bar n' sets it down, catchin his wild lil' fuckin eye.

 **(LYRICS)**  
_I can't fight dis feelin any longer n' shit._  
And yet I be still afraid ta let it flow.   
What started up as thang,   
Has grown stronger n' shit.   
I only wish I had tha strength ta let it show. 

 _I tell mah dirty ass dat I can't hold up forever n' shit._  
I holla'd there is no reason fo' mah fear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.   
Cause I feel so secure when we together.  
Yo ass give mah game direction,   
Yo ass make every last muthafuckin thang so clear...

 **JO  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** REO Speedwagon?

 **JO  
** Damn right REO. Kevin Cronin sings it from tha ass.

 **DEAN  
** Dude sings it from tha hair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Therez a gangbangin' finger-lickin' difference.

 **JO  
** That flava you've gots Ash lookin for?

 **DEAN  
** Hmm.

 **JO  
** Yo crazy-ass momma took a dirt nap tha same way, didn't she, biatch? A fire up in Samz nursery?

 **DEAN  
** Look, Jo, itz kind of a cold-ass lil crew thang.

 **JO  
** I could help.

 **DEAN  
** I be shizzle you could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But we've gots ta handle dis one ourselves. Besides, if I ran off wit you I be thinkin yo' mutha might bust a cap up in mah dirty ass. 

ELLEN, cleanin glasses behind tha bar, looks at his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude smilez nervously.

 **JO  
** Yo ass be afraid of mah mother?

 **DEAN  
** I be thinkin so.

 **SAM**  
(hurryin up behind JO)  
Our thugged-out asses gotz a match. We've gotta go.

 **DEAN**  
All right, Jo. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See you later n' shit.   


  
INT. IMPALA - NIGHT

Da strainz of "Can't Fight This Feeling" from tha previous scene continue up in Deanz voice, rappin a cold-ass lil capella.

 **DEAN**  
(rappin)  
_And even as I wander, I be keepin you up in sight_  
Yo ass be a cold-ass lil candle up in tha window on a cold-ass lil cold dark winta night  
And I be gettin closer than I eva thought I might...

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is kidding, right?

 **DEAN  
** I heard tha cold lil' woo wop somewhere, I can't git it outta mah head, I don't give a fuck, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Whaddya got?

 **SAM**  
(lookin at a stack of papers)  
Andrew Gallagher n' shit. Born up in eighty three, like mah dirty ass. Lost his crazy-ass mutha up in a nursery fire exactly six months later, also like mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass be thinkin tha demon capped his crazy-ass mom?

 **SAM  
** Sure be lookin like dat shit. 

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck did you even know ta look fo' dis muthafucka?

 **SAM  
** Every premonizzle I've had, if they not bout tha demon they bout tha other lil playas tha demon hit up. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Like Max Miller, remember him?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah yo, but Max Milla was a pasty lil psycho.

 **SAM  
** Da point is da thug was cappin' playas fo' realz. And I was havin tha same type of visions bout his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. And now it could be goin' down all over again n' again n' again wit dis Gallagher muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck do we find him?

 **SAM  
** Don't know. No current address, no current employment yo. Dude still owes scrilla on all his bills - phone, credit, utilities...

 **DEAN  
** Collection agency flags?

 **SAM  
** None up in tha system.

 **DEAN  
** They just let his ass take a strutt?

 **SAM**  
Seems like dat shit. Therez a work address from his fuckin last W-2, on some year ago. Letz start there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.   


  
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

Close blasted on fruity-ass malt liquor bein poured tha fuck into a cold-ass lil cup by TRACY. SAM n' DEAN, up in suits, is chillin at a table.

 **TRACY  
** Yo ass won't git anythang outta Andy, muthafuckas. I be sorry yo, but they never do. 

 **SAM  
** "They"?

 **TRACY  
** Yo ass is debt collectors, right, biatch? Once up in a while they come by. I don't give a fuck what tha fuck Andy say ta dem yo, but they never come back. 

 **DEAN  
** Actually we're, our slick asses lawyers. Representin his Great Aunt Leta. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch passed, Dogg rest her soul, n' left Andy a sizable estate. 

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So is you a gangbangin' playa of his, biatch? 

 **TRACY  
** I used ta be, yeah. I don't peep much of Andy no mo'. 

 **WEBER  
** Andy, biatch? Andy kicks ass, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** Is dat right?

 **WEBER  
** Yeah fo' realz. Andy can git you tha fuck into anythang yo. Dude even gots me backstage at Aerosmith once, dat shiznit was dope, bro.

 **TRACY  
** How tha fuck bout bussin a table or two, Weber?

 **WEBER  
** Yeah. Yo ass bet, boss.

 **TRACY  
** Look, if you wanna find him, try Orchard Street. Just look fo' a van wit a funky-ass barbarian biatch painted on tha side.

 **DEAN  
** Barbarian biatch?

 **TRACY**  
Dat hoe ridin a polar bear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. It aint nuthin but kind of hard ta miss.  


  
EXT. ORCHARD STREET - DAY

As DEAN n' SAM stake up Orchard Street, watchin tha aforementioned van-with-barbarian-queen, tha cold lil' woo wop "Stonehenge" from Spinal Tap plays.

 **(LYRICS)**  
_Stonehenge_  
where tha demons dwell  
Where tha banshees live n' they do live well  
Stonehenge  
Where a playa be a thugged-out dude  
and tha lil pimps breakdizzle ta tha pipez of pan

 **DEAN**  
I be sorry, I be startin ta like dis dude. That van is dope.   
(lookin at SAM)  
Whatz wrong?

 **SAM  
** Nothing. 

 **DEAN  
** Sam, you be lookin like you suckin on a lemon, what tha fuck be happenin?

 **SAM  
** This Andrew Gallagher, tha pimpin' muthafucka tha second muthafucka like dis we've found, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Demon came ta dem when they was kids, now they cappin' people. 

 **DEAN  
** Us dudes don't give a fuck what tha fuck Andrew Gallagher is, all right, biatch? Dude could be innocent. 

 **SAM  
** My fuckin visions aint been wack yet.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz yo' point?

 **SAM  
** My fuckin point is, I be one of dem wild-ass muthafuckas. 

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, you not. 

 **SAM  
** Dean, tha demon holla'd dat schmoooove muthafucka had plans fo' me n' lil pimps like mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, maybe dis is his thugged-out lil' plan, maybe we all a funky-ass bunch of psycho freaks, maybe we all supposed ta be-

 **DEAN  
** What, killers?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** So tha demon wants you up there cappin' wit yo' minds, is dat it, biatch? Come on, break me off a funky-ass break. Yo ass aint a murderer, Sam! Yo ass aint gots it up in yo' bones.

 **SAM  
** No, biatch? Last I checked, I bust a cap up in all kindz of thangs. 

 **DEAN  
** Those thangs was askin fo' dat shit. Therez a gangbangin' finger-lickin' difference. 

DEAN looks up tha window, away from SAM fo' realz. ANDY exits a funky-ass building, bustin a pajamas n' a long-ass satin robe embroidered wit dragons. 

"STONEHENGE" continues over tha following.

 **(LYRICS)**  
_Stonehenge_  
Tis a magic place   
where tha moon doth rise wit a thugged-out dragonz face  
Stonehenge  
Where tha virgins lie  
And tha prayer of devils fill tha midnight sky  
And you mah love, won't you take mah hand  
We bout ta go back up in time ta dat mystic land  
Where tha dew drops cry n' tha pussies meow  
I'ma take you there  
I'ma show you how

 **SAM  
** Got his muthafuckin ass.

A biatch up in a second-story window waves ta ANDY, whoz ass blows her a kiss fo' realz. ANDY greets a playa on tha street, whoz ass smilez at his ass n' handz ANDY his coffee. Further along, ANDY greets DR JENNINGS n' shakes his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** Thatz his muthafuckin ass. That olda muthafucka, thatz him, thatz tha blasta n' shit. 

 **DEAN  
** All right, you keep on him, I be bout ta stick wit Andy. Go.

SAM gets outta tha hoopty n' bigs up DR JENNINGS on foot fo' realz. ANDY gets up in his van n' drives off, DEAN followin up in his car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

A few minutes later, ANDY stops n' gets outta tha van, struttin back ta DEAN, whoz ass tucks a handgun tha fuck into his jacket. 

 **ANDY  
** Hey.

 **DEAN  
** Yo hey.

 **ANDY  
** This be a cold-ass lil cheery ride. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, props.

 **ANDY  
** Man, tha '67, biatch? Impalaz dopest year if you ask mah dirty ass. This be a straight-up classic.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Yo ass know, I just rebuilt her, like a muthafucka. 

 **ANDY  
** Yeah?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, can't let a cold-ass lil hoopty like dis one go. 

 **ANDY  
** Damn straight yo. Hey. Can I have it?

 **DEAN  
** Sure, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

DEAN gets outta tha car, smiling, ta let ANDY up in tha driverz side. 

 **ANDY  
** Sweet.

 **DEAN  
** Hop right up in there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. There ya go.

 **ANDY  
** Take it easy as fuck .

 **DEAN  
** All right. 

ANDY drives off up in tha IMPALA, leavin DEAN standin up in tha street, lookin confused.  


  
EXT fo' realz. ANOTHER STREET - DAY

SAM watches DR JENNINGS from a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass short distance; DR JENNINGS' cell beeper rings, just like up in tha vision, n' he lyrics dat shit. 

 **DR JENNINGS  
** Hello. Yeah.

SAM sees tha BLUE RIDGE bus approach, n' crosses up in front of it towardz tha sportin loot store yo. Dude runs up tha steps n' inside, lookin around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude sees tha clerk n' bystandaz from his vision. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude turns n' pulls tha fire alarm. 

DR JENNINGS approaches tha store yo, but hearin tha alarm go off da perved-out muthafucka stops, confused, then turns n' strutts away. 

SAM leaves tha store n' goes down ta tha street, where da perved-out muthafucka sees ANDY drive by up in tha IMPALA yo. Dude stares up in shock. 

DR JENNINGS gets another cell beeper call.

 **DR JENNINGS  
** Hello, biatch? Yeah, biatch? All right.

 **SAM**  
(on his beeper)  
Dean! Andyz gots tha Impala!

 **DEAN  
** I know! Dude just sorta axed mah crazy ass fo' it n' I, I let his ass take dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass what?

 **DEAN  
** Dude full-on Obi-Wanned mah dirty ass. It aint nuthin but mind control, man!

SAM watches up in horror as DR JENNINGS strutts up in front of a funky-ass bus, which slams tha fuck into his ass at full speed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 


	3. ACT TWO

EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET - DAY

As paramedics put DR JENNINGS' tha fuck into a funky-ass body bag, SAM sits on tha curb nearby. DEAN crouches behind him, hand on his back.

 **SAM**  
I kept his ass outta tha glock store.. n' you KNOWS da thug was all gravy.. n' you KNOWS da thug was past it, at least... I should have stayed wit his muthafuckin ass.  


  
INT. DINER - DAY

WEBER is busin dishes as ANDY enters, lookin upset.

 **WEBER  
** Andy dawwwwg! Whassup, dog?

Dude raises a hand ta high-five ANDY, whoz ass ignores his ass n' headz fo' TRACY.

 **TRACY  
** Andy dawwwwg! What is you bustin here?

 **ANDY  
** Doctor Jennings.. da ruffneck dead as fuckin fried chicken.

 **TRACY  
** Oh shiiiiiiiit, I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **ANDY  
** I don't give a fuck, I, I, was, I was upset, n' I wanted ta peep you, biatch.

 **TRACY**  
(puttin her handz on his)  
Well, I be glad you done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I um, I missed you, biatch. Oh, you know what, biatch? Some muthafuckas was here dis mornin lookin fo' you, biatch. 

 **ANDY**  
What muthafuckas?  


  
EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET - DAY

Close blasted all up in tha interior of tha IMPALA as SAM n' DEAN approach from across tha street.

 **DEAN  
** Thank god hommie! Oh. I be sorry, baby. I be bout ta never leave you again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Well, at least he left tha keys up in dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Real Samaritan, dis muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** Well, it be lookin like his schmoooove ass can't work his crazy-ass mojo just by twitchin his nose, he gotta use verbal commands. 

 **SAM  
** Da doctor had just gotten off his cell beeper when da perved-out muthafucka stepped up in front of dat bus. Andy must have called his ass or something.

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck, maybe. 

 **SAM  
** Beg yo' pardon?

 **DEAN  
** I just don't give a fuck if he our muthafucka, Sam.

 **SAM  
** Dean, you had O.J. convicted before he gots outta his white Bronco n' you have doubts bout this?

 **DEAN  
** Dude just don't seem like tha stone-cold killa type, thatz all. Yo ass know fo' realz. And O.J. was guilty.

 **SAM  
** Either way, how tha fuck is we goin ta track dis muthafucka down?

 **DEAN**  
(thinking)  
Not a problem.  


  
EXT fo' realz. ANOTHER STREET - DAY

DEAN n' SAM approach ANDY'S blue van from tha back.

 **DEAN  
** Not exactly a inconspicuous ride. Letz gotz a look.

DEAN pulls a lil' small-ass crowbar outta his jacket n' pries open tha back door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Porn noize skits as tha interior is revealed: disco ball, fur rugs, a tiger painted on tha wall, nuff muthafuckin thick books, n' a enormous bong.

 **DEAN  
** Oh. Oh, come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This is... dis is magnificent, thatz what tha fuck dis is. Not exactly a serial killerz lair, though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Therez no... clown paintings on tha walls, or scissors stuck up in suckas' photos. I wanna bust a nut on tha tiger n' shit. 

 **SAM**  
(lookin all up in tha books)  
Hegel, Kant, Wittgenstein, biatch? Thatz some pretty heavy reading, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN**  
Yeah, n' uh, n' Moby Dickz bong.   


  
EXT. VACANT LOT - DAY

DEAN n' SAM is chillin up in tha parked IMPALA. DEAN is smokin suttin' up in a gangbangin' foil wrapper as SAM studies a stack of papers.

 **DEAN  
** Ugh. Yo ass know, one dizzle I'd ludd ta just sit tha fuck down n' smoke suttin' I didn't gotta microwave at a minimart. 

 **SAM  
** What I don't git is tha motive. I mean, tha doctor was squeaky clean, why would Andy waste him?

 **DEAN  
** If it is Andy.

 **SAM  
** Dude, enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. 

 **DEAN  
** What?

 **SAM  
** Da doctor was mind-controlled up in front of a funky-ass bus fo' realz. Andy just happens ta have tha juice of mind control. Yo ass do tha math. 

 **DEAN  
** I just don't be thinkin tha muthafuckaz gots it up in him, thatz all.

 **SAM  
** Well, how tha fuck tha hell would you know, biatch? I mean, why is you bendin over backwardz representin' him?

 **DEAN  
** 'Cause you not right bout all dis bullshit.

 **SAM  
** Bout Andy, biatch? 

ANDY appears suddenly at SAM'S (open) window, slammin his handz down n' leanin in.

 **ANDY  
** Yo dawwwwg! Yo ass be thinkin I aint peeped you two, biatch? Why is you followin me son?

Da last sentence reverberates strangely; DEAN looks stunned.

 **SAM**  
(calmly)  
Well, our slick asses lawyers. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See, a relatizzle of yours has passed aw-

 **ANDY**  
(echoing)  
Tell tha real deal!

 **SAM  
** Thatz what tha fuck I be - 

 **DEAN  
** Our thugged-out asses hunt demons. 

 **ANDY  
** What?

 **SAM  
** Dean!

 **DEAN  
** Demons n' spirits, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Things yo' most shitty nightmares wouldn't even touch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam here, he mah brother.

 **SAM  
** Dean, shut tha fuck up!

 **DEAN  
** I be trying. Dat punk psycho. Kind of like you, biatch. Well, not straight-up gots nuff props fo'you yo, but see, tha pimpin' muthafucka be thinkin you a murderer, n' he afraid dat he goin ta become one his dirty ass, 'cause you all part of suttin' thatz shitty fo' realz. And, I hope ta hell dat da thug wrong yo, but I be startin ta git a lil scared dat he might be right.

 **ANDY  
** Okay, you know what, biatch? (Uses demonic voice:) Just leave me ridin' solo. 

 **DEAN  
** Okay.

 **ANDY  
** All right, biatch? (Andy strutts away.) 

DEAN cringes, holdin his head, as SAM gets outta tha car, followin ANDY.

 **ANDY  
** What is you bustin, biatch? Look, I, I holla'd leave me ridin' solo. (usin demonic voice) All right, biatch? Git outta here, just start rollin n' never stop.

 **SAM  
** Doesn't seem ta work on me, Andy.

 **ANDY  
** What?

 **SAM  
** Yo ass can make playas do thangs, can't yo slick ass, biatch? Yo ass can tell dem what tha fuck ta think. 

DEAN has gotten outta tha car; SAM holdz up a hand, warnin his ass not ta come closer.

 **ANDY  
** Look, tha-- (laughs) thatz crazy. 

 **SAM  
** It all started on some year ago, didn't it, biatch? Afta you turned twenty-two. Little shiznit at first, n' then you gots betta at controllin dat shit. 

 **ANDY  
** How tha fuck do you know all this?

 **SAM  
** Because tha same thang happened ta me, Andy. My fuckin momma took a dirt nap up in a gangbangin' fire, like a muthafucka. I have abilitizzles like a muthafucka. Yo ass see, we connected, you n' mah dirty ass.

 **ANDY  
** Yo ass know what, biatch? Just, just, just, just git outta here (demonic voice), all right?!

 **SAM  
** Why did you tell tha doctor ta strutt up in front of a funky-ass bus?

 **ANDY  
** What?

SAM gets a vision -- flash of fire, n' a hand holdin a gas pump yo. Dude cringes. Da vision continues up in pieces as tha pimpin' muthafucka tries ta focus on ANDY.

 **SAM  
** Why did you bust a cap up in him?

 **ANDY  
** I didn't playa!

SAM cringes again n' again n' again as tha vision hits wit full force:  


  
EXT. GAS STATION - DAY

A middle-aged blond biatch (HOLLY) wit leather gloves n' a long-ass black coat is pumpin gas tha fuck into a SUV yo. Her cell beeper rings; she lyrics. 

 **HOLLY**  
Hello?  
(Flash of fire, a playa shyin away from dat shit.)  
Sure. I can do dis shit. 

She hangs up tha beeper n' leans tha fuck into tha car, pressin down tha blunt lighter n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch pulls up tha gas pump n' starts drenchin her muthafuckin ass up in gasoline fo' realz. A gas station hommie across tha way sees her muthafuckin ass.

 **MAN  
** Yo dawwwwg! Lady, what tha fuck is you bustin?!

HOLLY pulls tha blunt lighta up n' steps tha fuck into tha open, holdin her arms out.

 **HOLLY  
** It aint nuthin but gonna be aiiight.

She lowers tha blunt lighta ta her drenched arm.

 **MAN  
** Lady, no! No!

She bursts tha fuck into flames as tha playa watches up in horror. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da vision endz n' we cut back ta SAM.

 


	4. ACT THREE

SAM, handz on his head, starts ta fall; DEAN runs over ta catch his ass n' lowers his ass gently ta tha asphalt.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, biatch? What tha fuck iz it?

 **ANDY  
** Look, I didn't do anythang ta his muthafuckin ass. 

 **SAM  
** A biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. A biatch burnin kickin it.

 **DEAN  
** What else'd you get?

 **SAM  
** A gas station, a biatch is gonna bust a cap up in her muthafuckin ass. 

 **ANDY  
** What do he mean, goin to, biatch? What tha fuck iz he, what tha fuck is - 

 **DEAN (to ANDY)  
** Shut up!

 **SAM  
** Bitch gets triggered by a cold-ass lil call on her cell.

 **DEAN  
** When?

 **SAM**  
I don't give a gangbangin' fuck.  
(DEAN helps his ass stand)  
But as long as we keep our eyes on dis lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch his schmoooove ass can't hurt her n' shit. 

 **ANDY  
** I didn't hurt anybody.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, not yet. 

A fire engine roars past, sirens blaring. They turn ta peep dat shit.

 **SAM ta Dean:  
** Go.

DEAN runs off ta follow tha siren; ANDY tries ta step past SAM, whoz ass stops his ass wit a hand on his chest. 

 **SAM**  
Fuck dat shit, not you, biatch. Yo ass is stayin here wit mah dirty ass.  


  
EXT. GAS STATION - DAY

Da firemen is puttin up tha fire; DEAN calls SAM on his cell.

 **DEAN  
** Yo, itz mah dirty ass. Dat hoe dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Burned up, just like you holla'd.

 **SAM  
** When?

 **DEAN  
** Like minutes before I gots here biaaatch! I mean tha smell aint even cleared. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Whatz fuckin' phat wit yo' visions, man, biatch? This wasn't even a head start. 

 **SAM  
** I don't give a fuck, all right, biatch? I can't control them, I don't give a fuck what tha fuck tha hell is goin on.

 **DEAN  
** Listen, you was wit Andy when dis whole thang went down, so it, it can't be him, itz gotta be some muthafucka else bustin all dis bullshit.

 **SAM  
** That don't make any sense.

 **DEAN**  
What else is new, biatch? Well, I be bout ta dig round here, peep what tha fuck else I can find. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!   


  
EXT. VACANT LOT - DAY

SAM n' ANDY sit across from each other on a abandoned truck.

 **ANDY**  
So you git these premonitionz of playas bout ta die?  
(SAM nods)  
Thatz impossible.

 **SAM**  
(laughing)  
All dem playas would say tha same thang bout what tha fuck you do.

 **ANDY  
** But ... dirtnap visions. 

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **ANDY  
** Dude, dat sucks. I mean, like, when I gots mah mind thang, biatch? Dat shiznit was like a gift, you know, it was, dat shiznit was like I won tha Lotto. 

 **SAM  
** But you still live up in a van. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I don't git it, I mean, you could ... have anythang you eva wanted.

 **ANDY  
** I mean, I, I gots every last muthafuckin thang I need. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** So you straight-up not a killer, huh?

 **ANDY**  
(laughing)  
Thatz what tha fuck I've been tryin ta rap , nahmean biiiatch?

 **SAM  
** Thatz good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Means there be a hope fo' both of us. 

DEAN pulls up in tha IMPALA, n' SAM n' ANDY stand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN gets outta tha car.

 **DEAN  
** Victimz name was Holly Beckett, forty-one, single. 

 **SAM**  
(to ANDY)  
Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is she?

 **ANDY  
** Never heard of her n' shit. 

 **DEAN  
** Called Ash on tha way over here; his schmoooove ass came up wit a lil somethang fo' realz. Apparently Holly Beckett gave birth when dat biiiiatch was eighteen muthafuckin years old, back up in 1983. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Same dizzle you was born, Andy. 

 **SAM  
** Andy, was you adopted?

 **ANDY  
** Well, yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass were, biatch? And you neglected ta mention that?

 **ANDY  
** Never straight-up came up. I mean, I, I never knew mah birth muthafathas, and, n' like you holla'd mah adopted momma took a dirt nap when I was a funky-ass baby -- do you, do you be thinkin dis Holly biatch could straight-up be mah m-

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. I tried ta git a cold-ass lil copy of tha birth recordz yo, but they hard copy only, sealed up in tha county crib. 

 **ANDY**  
Well, screw dis shit.   


  
INT. RECORDS OFFICE - NIGHT

As SAM n' DEAN go all up in boxez of files, ANDY strutts a coffin dodgin' securitizzle guard ta tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **GUARD  
** Probably shouldn't have left you lil playas up in dis biatch.

 **ANDY**  
Fuck dat shit, it'll all be fine fo' realz. All right, biatch? Just go git a cold-ass lil cup of coffee.   
(as tha guard leaves, his schmoooove ass continues up in a thugged-out dramatic voice)  
These aren't tha 'droidz you lookin for.

 **DEAN**  
(grinnin as he overhears)  
Awesome. 

 **SAM  
** I gots dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah?

 **SAM  
** Yeah fo' realz. Andy, itz true yo. Holly Beckett was yo' birth mutha n' shit. 

 **ANDY  
** Huh. Do mah playas gotz a Vicodin?

 **SAM  
** Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Jennings was her doctor, too, I mean, he oversaw tha adoption. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass gotz a solid connection ta both of dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **ANDY  
** Yeah yo, but I, I didn't bust a cap up in dem wild-ass muthafuckas. 

 **DEAN  
** We believe you, biatch.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. 

 **DEAN  
** But uh, whoz ass did?

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin I gots a pimpin' phat guess yo. Holly Beckett gave birth ta twins. 

LATER

ANDY sits wit both handz on his head, starin straight ahead up in shock. DEAN is standin by a printa nearby, SAM is pacin wit a gangbangin' folda up in his hands.

 **ANDY  
** I gots a evil twin.

 **SAM  
** Holly put you n' yo' brutha up fo' adoption. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And you went ta tha Gallagher crew, obviously, n' yo' brutha went ta tha Weems crew from upstate. 

 **DEAN  
** Andy, how tha fuck you doin', biatch? Still wit us?

 **ANDY  
** Um. What was mah brotherz name?

 **SAM  
** Here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Um, Ansen Weems. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. And he gots a local address.

 **ANDY  
** Dude -- he lives here?

 **DEAN  
** Letz git a peep his muthafuckin ass. Got his thugged-out lil' picture comin off from tha DMV n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do. 

DEAN pulls some papers outta tha printa n' looks at dem up in surprise. 

 **DEAN  
** Hate ta kick you while you freaked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! (Andy gives a whuf.) Take a peep dis shit. 

Dude shows one of tha pages ta ANDY, whoz ass looks up in shock.   


  
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT

Da fruity-ass malt liquor shop is nearly empty; WEBER n' TRACY is closin up.

 **WEBER  
** Yo, Trace?

 **TRACY  
** Yeah?

 **WEBER  
** Yo ass n' Andy, you muthafuckas went together fo' a while, didn't yo slick ass?

 **TRACY  
** Yeah, Weber, why?

 **WEBER  
** I don't give a fuck, I was just wondering. I, I was wonderin how tha fuck you felt bout his ass these days. I mean, I've peeped you muthafuckas together, it seems like there be a still suttin' there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Just... was you muthafuckas ever, like, trippin like a muthafucka?

 **TRACY  
** Um, no.

 **WEBER**  
Come on, Trace.   
(echoin wit demon voice)  
Tell tha real deal.  


  
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

DEAN drives tha IMPALA down a thugged-out dark road wit SAM next ta his ass n' ANDY up in tha back seat. 

 **SAM  
** All right, Andy. Tell our asses every last muthafuckin thang you know bout dis muthafucka. 

 **ANDY  
** Well, I mean, not much. I... Weber shows up one day, eight months ago, biatch? Actin like he mah dopest playa up in tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Kinda weird, like, tryin too hard, you know?

SAM starts cringing, rubbin his wild lil' fuckin eyes. 

 **DEAN  
** Must have known you muthafuckas was twins. Why did his schmoooove ass chizzle his name, biatch? Why not just rap tha real deal?

 **ANDY  
** No idea.

 **SAM  
** Aah!

 **DEAN  
** Sam?

Flashez of another vision come together into:  


  
EXT. BRIDGE - NIGHT

TRACY, bustin only satin lingerie, strutts slowly ta tha side of a ravine. Crying, dat thugged-out biiiatch climbs onto tha ledge n' looks around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch pauses, lookin back, then leaps. Cut back to:  


  
INT. IMPALA - NIGHT

SAM yells up in panic, strugglin wit tha door.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, biatch? Sam! Sam!

Dude stops tha hoopty as SAM shoves tha door open, leanin out. DEAN gets up n' runs round tha hoopty ta kneel beside him, grabbin his shoulders. 

 **DEAN  
** Hey. Yo hommie!

 


	5. ACT FOUR

EXT. BRIDGE - NIGHT

WEBER drives onto tha bridge from tha last vision n' pulls ta a stop; TRACY is up in tha passengerz seat. Dude runs a hand slowly up her thigh.

 **WEBER  
** I take mah ladies here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. They like dat shit. Well, I mean, I wanna bust a nut on it, so ... of course they do like a muthafucka.

 **TRACY**  
(crying)  
Please, I just wanna bounce back ta tha doggy den.

 **WEBER**  
Quit crying. (demon voice)  
(Bitch do.)  
Hey. I git dat shit. I peep what tha fuck you peep up in Andy, I mean, he a smart-ass . Books he reads, biatch? Dat punk gonna be a pimped out playa someday. It make me wanna hollar playa! But he is mah crew, not yours. Yo ass can't have his muthafuckin ass. Yo ass aint gonna have anythang afta tonight.   


  
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

Near tha BRIDGE, tha IMPALA pulls ta a stop. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN git up n' circle round ta tha trunk, which DEAN opens.

 **SAM  
** Dean, you should stay back.

 **DEAN  
** No argument here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. Had mah head screwed wit enough fo' one day. It make me wanna hollar playa! 

SAM pulls up two handguns; as da thug strutts forward da perved-out muthafucka stopped by ANDY, whoz ass has gotten outta tha car.

 **ANDY  
** I be comin wit you, biatch.

 **SAM looks, shakes his head no.  
** Andy, no.

 **ANDY**  
If itz Tracy up there ... then I be coming.  


  
INT. WEBER'S CAR - NIGHT

Cryin again, TRACY is unbuttonin her dress as WEBER watches.

 **WEBER  
** Okay. Slower n' shit. Tracy, biatch? I want you ta dig me straight-up carefully, aiiight, biatch? When our phat asses done here, I want you ta head over ta tha edge of tha dam. Okay, biatch? 

 **TRACY  
** Okay.

 **WEBER  
** And when you git there, you gonna be thinkin you can fly (demonic echo) And you just gonna step right off. Yo ass -- you can fly, can't yo slick ass?

 **TRACY (sobbing)  
** Yeah. I be thinkin so.

 **WEBER  
** Yo ass might git scared yo, but I want you ta say dat itz all gravy. (Tracy is sobbing.) Just tell yo ass, every last muthafuckin thang be all gravy.

Da window behind WEBER'S head shatters, n' SAM shoves a handgun up in his wild lil' face.

 **SAM  
** Git outta tha hoopty playa! Now!

 **WEBER (demonic echo)  
** Yo ass straight-up don't wanna do all dis bullshit.

SAM backhandz him, hard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! On tha other side of tha car, ANDY opens tha door n' pulls TRACY out.

 **ANDY  
** Tracy dawwwwg! Come here, come here, come here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. It aint nuthin but all gravy.

 **TRACY  
** Andy dawwwwg! I can't son! I couldn't control mah dirty ass. 

SAM opens WEBER'S door n' pulls his ass outta tha hoopty yo. Dude pins his ass facedown over tha pavement wit tha glock aimed at his head.

 **SAM  
** Don't move. Don't move biaatch!

ANDY runs over ta dem n' shoves a strip of duct tape over WEBER'S grill yo. Dude rears back n' kicks WEBER twice, furious. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM pushes his ass back. 

 **SAM  
** No! Fuck dat shit, Andy, let me handle this, all right, biatch? 

 **ANDY  
** I'ma bust a cap up in you, nahmean biiiatch?

 **SAM  
** No! I be bout ta handle this, I be bout ta handle this!

 **ANDY  
** I'ma bust a cap up in you, nahmean biiiatch?

 **SAM  
** Andy dawwwwg! Listen ta me biaaatch! Listen ta me biaatch!

WEBER stares at TRACY, whoz ass picks up a big-ass stick n' hits SAM on tha back of tha neck wit it yo. Dude goes down, unconscious fo' realz. ANDY turns ta her as WEBER standz up.

 **ANDY  
** Tracy, stop! (demonic echo) I holla'd STOP IT!

She drops tha stick n' backs away, terrified. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! ANDY turns back ta WEBER, whoz ass pulls tha duct tape off his crazy-ass grill.

 **ANDY  
** How tha fuck did you do that?

 **WEBER**  
Practice, bro. If you'd just practice, you would know. Sometimes you don't need ta use yo' lyrics. If you have to,   
(tappin his wild lil' forehead)  
all you need be all dis bullshit. Sometimes tha headachez worth dat shit. 

 **ANDY**  
(grabbin WEBER)  
Yo ass be a twisted lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch!

 **WEBER  
** Back off, Andy. Or Tracyz gonna do a lil flying. 

ANDY turns up in horror ta peep TRACY standin on tha ledge.

 **WEBER**  
Aren't you, Trace?  
(to ANDY)  
I be stronger than you, biatch. I can do dat shit. 

 **ANDY  
** Okay, aiiight. (backs away, handz up.) Okay. All right, just... just please don't hurt her muthafuckin ass.

 **WEBER  
** Don't be mad at me, aiiight, biatch? I know, it's, itz all wrong. I didn't mean fo' dis ta happen, itz just... Tracy, biatch? Dat hoe tryin ta come between us. 

 **ANDY  
** Yo ass is insane.

 **WEBER  
** Dat hoe garbage biaaatch! Man, they all is biaaatch! We can, we can push them, we can make dem do whatever we want playa!

 **ANDY  
** Is you straight-up... is you straight-up dis stupid, biatch? Is it--, biatch? 

 **WEBER  
** Wha-

 **ANDY**  
I mean, you, you learn you've gots a twin...  
(SAM starts comin to)  
... you call his ass up, you go up fo' a thugged-out drink, you don't start cappin' playas biaatch!

 **WEBER  
** I've wanted ta rap fo' so long, bro. But da ruffneck didn't let mah dirty ass. Dude holla'd I had ta wait until tha time was...

 **ANDY  
** Who?

 **WEBER  
** Da playa wit tha yellow eyes. 

 **ANDY  
** What is you poppin' off about?

 **WEBER  
** Dude came ta mah dirty ass. In mah dream. Dude holla'd I was special. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Dude holla'd at mah crazy ass he gots big-ass plans fo' mah dirty ass. Wait 'till you peep whatz up in store, Andy, fo' both of us muthafucka! See, tha pimpin' muthafucka tha one whoz ass holla'd at mah crazy ass dat ... I had a funky-ass brutha n' shit. A twin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

Within blastin distance, DEAN stalks ta a hidin place wit a sniper rifle. 

EXT. BRIDGE - NIGHT

 **ANDY  
** Why did you bust a cap up in our mother, biatch? Why, biatch? And why Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Jennings?

 **WEBER  
** Because they split our asses up! They fucked up our lives, Andy dawwwwg! We could done been together dis whole time. Instead of ridin' solo. I couldn't, I couldn't let 'em do that, I couldn't let dem git away wit dis shit. No.

EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

DEAN crouches up in tha shadows n' lines up tha shot. 

EXT. BRIDGE - NIGHT

WEBER turns, hearin somethang yo. Dude peers tha fuck into tha distance, tha fuck into DEAN'S hidin place.

 **WEBER  
** I peep you, biatch. Bye-bye. (demonic echo)

EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

DEAN turns tha rifle up n' tucks tha barrel under his chin.

Close on TRACY'S grill as a gunshot goes off. Cut ta WEBER, whoz ass jerks; ANDY has blasted his ass up in tha back. WEBER falls; ANDY lowers tha gun, bobbin. 

 


	6. ACT FIVE

EXT. BRIDGE - MORNING

Rescue n' five-o crews have arrived on tha scene. ANDY is poppin' off ta three five-o fools, his stizzle confident. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is crouchin by a wall, a paramedic tendin ta his shoulder n' shit. DEAN standz at his side.

 **ANDY  
** Dude blasted his dirty ass fo' realz. And you all saw it happen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (demonic echo)

 **POLICEMAN  
** Yeah. Us dudes done did.

SAM n' DEAN is together, observing. SAM:   
Look at his muthafuckin ass. Dat punk gettin betta at dat shit. 

ANDY passes a ambulizzle where TRACY is chillin, a funky-ass blanket round her shoulders. Biatch avoidz his wild lil' fuckin eyes fo' realz. ANDY approaches SAM n' DEAN.

 **ANDY  
** Bitch won't even look all up in mah face.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, she pretty shaken up. 

 **ANDY  
** Fuck dat shit, it's, dis is different. It's, uh, I never, I never used mah mind thang on her before. Before last night. Dat hoe scared of me now, nahmeean, biatch? 

 **SAM  
** Yo, Andy, I don't give a fuck bout ta do dis yo, but um, we gotta git outta here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I freestyled down mah cell. Yo ass don't gotta be ridin' solo up in this, all right, biatch? If anythang comes up, just call me up.

 **ANDY  
** Wha- what tha fuck is I supposed ta do now?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass be good, Andy. Or we'll be back. 

 **SAM**  
(as they strutt away)  
Looks like I was right. 

 **DEAN  
** Bout what?

 **SAM  
** Andy. Dat punk a killa afta all.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, he a all up playa yo. Dude saved his wild lil' freakadelic hoez game, da perved-out muthafucka saved mah game.

 **SAM  
** Bottom line, last night, da thug wasted some muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah yo, but he not a gangbangin' foaming-at-the-mouth psycho. Dude was just, da thug was pushed tha fuck into all dis bullshit.

 **SAM  
** Weber was pushed too, up in his own way. Max Milla was pushed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Hell, I was pushed by Jessicaz dirtnap. 

 **DEAN  
** Whatz yo' point, Sam?

 **SAM  
** Right circumstances, everyonez capable of cappin' n' shit. Everyone. Yo ass know, maybe thatz what tha fuck tha demonz bustin. Pushin us. Findin ways ta break us. 

 **DEAN  
** Sam, our phat asses don't give a fuck what tha fuck tha demon wants, aiiight, biatch? Quit worryin bout dat shit. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, I heard you before, Dean, when Andy made you tell tha real deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Yo ass is just as scared of dis as I am. 

 **DEAN  
** That was mind control! I mean, itz like, like, thatz like bein roofied, dude, dat don't count.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** No. I'm, I be callin do-over.

 **SAM  
** What is you, seven?

 **DEAN  
** Doesn't matter n' shit. Look, we've just gotta keep bustin what tha fuck our phat asses bustin, find dat evil lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch n' bust a cap up in dat shit. 

 **SAM (doubtfully)  
** Yeah, I guess.

DEAN'S cell rings yo. Dude picks it up.

 **DEAN**  
Hello, biatch? Ellen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Whatz goin on, biatch? Yeah, we'll be right there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.   


  
INT. ROADHOUSE - DAY

SAM n' DEAN is chillin all up in tha bar, ELLEN behind it n' JO struttin round tha outside.

 **ELLEN  
** Jo?

 **JO  
** Hmm?

 **ELLEN  
** Go pull up another case of brew n' shit. 

 **JO  
** Mom...

 **ELLEN  
** Now. Please.

As JO leaves, ELLEN leans on tha bar up in front of SAM n' DEAN.

 **ELLEN  
** So. Yo ass uh, you wanna tell me bout dis last hunt of yours?

 **DEAN  
** No. Not straight-up. No offense, itz just kind of a cold-ass lil crew thang. 

 **ELLEN**  
Not no mo'.  
(droppin a stack of papers on tha bar)  
I gots dis shiznit from Ash. Andrew Gallagherz doggy den burnt down on his six month birthday, just like yo' house. Yo ass be thinkin dat shiznit was tha demon both times, don't yo slick ass, biatch? Yo ass be thinkin it went afta Gallagherz crew?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, we be thinkin so.

 **DEAN  
** Sam...

 **ELLEN  
** Why?

 **DEAN  
** None of yo' bidnizz.

 **ELLEN  
** Yo ass mind yo' tongue wit me, boy. This aint just yo' war, dis is war. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Now, suttin' big-ass n' badz comin n' itz comin fast, n' they side holdz all tha cards. Now, at dopest all we gots is us. Together n' shit. No secrets or half-truths here.

 **SAM  
** There is playas up there, like Andy Gallagher, like mah dirty ass fo' realz. And um ... we all have some kind of ability.

 **ELLEN  
** Ability?

(DEAN rolls his wild lil' fuckin eyes, uncomfortable)

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Psychic ability. Me, I have, um, I have visions. Premonitions. I don't give a fuck, it's, itz different fo' everybody. Da demon holla'd dat schmoooove muthafucka had plans fo' playas like us. 

 **ELLEN  
** What kind of plans?

 **SAM  
** Us dudes don't straight-up know fo' sure. 

 **ELLEN  
** These playas up there, these psychos -- they dangerous?

 **DEAN  
** No. Not all of dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **SAM  
** But some are. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some is straight-up dangerous. 

 **ELLEN  
** Okay, how tha fuck nuff of dem is our slick asses lookin at?

 **DEAN  
** We've been able ta track a cold-ass lil clear pattern so far. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They've all had doggy den fires on tha night of tha kidz six month birthday. It make me wanna hollar playa! 

 **SAM  
** Thatz not true.

 **DEAN  
** What?

 **SAM  
** Weber, biatch? Or Ansen Weems, or whatever his name is -- I looked at his wild lil' files, n' there was no doggy den fire. Therez not a god damn thang outta tha ordinary.

 **ELLEN  
** Which breaks pattern, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So if there be a any others like him, there'd be not a god damn thang up in tha system. No way ta track 'em all down.

 **DEAN  
** And so whoz ass knows how tha fuck nuff of 'em is straight-up up there?

JO is standin behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **ELLEN  
** Jo honey?

 **JO  
** Yeah?

 **ELLEN  
** You'd betta break up tha whiskey instead.

 


End file.
